What If??

Giving up.  It doesn't come easy and most of us try in our power not to do it. But when do you throw in the towel?  After all, the life you have is the life you were destined to have....or so I've been told.  It was meant to be.  But if that were true, why does everything else in this world seem to be so random?

What if one little small tiny thing I said or did differently could've changed my entire life?  What if I had chosen another life for myself?  What if I had been raised in a completely different way?  Better yet, what if my mother had never been sick and passed away?  What if I had never gone to the bar that night?  What if I would've just said goodbye the first time?  What if I didn't let my heart to be allowed to open itself up?  What if?

I know I can't sit here and play the what if game.  I am sure my  life would be completely different.  But it's just hard to think about what could be if you would've gone down a different path.  So I asked myself the other day when I found myself standing there at the crossroad....do I continue to go down the path I've always known or do I travel down the other path that might lead me to new places.  When do I throw in the towel and say I'm ready for something new?  When do I admit that the path I've been on seems to be just a lost cause?  I'm standing right now at the fork because it has all just become too much.  I'm tired.  I don't want to fight anymore....I want to give up.

So here is where the real work begins.  I need to find hope where there seems to be absolutely none.  None at all.  I realize life is a gift and that no matter how hard or how painful it can be at times, most things are just going to work out and I'm going to be ok.  As if these things were just destined to happen.

My mom would always tell me, "Whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger."  Well world...I'm not dead yet so I guess as each day goes by I find myself getting stronger.  More wise.  More independent.  More everything.  I know that this too shall pass and all the answers that I search for will eventually come to light.  If not...I guess I just wasn't meant to know them.

"You is kind.  You is smart.  You is important."

~Kathryn Stockett~