1.26.2011

A is for Addiction

Addiction.  Choice or disease?  We see it every day.  The woman who can’t put down the bottle.  The man who can’t keep his eyes and hands to himself.  The teenager who gets high for the feeling of being alive.  It is shocking how many kinds of addictions exist.  Alcoholism, sex, drugs, religion, eating, gambling, shopping.  In all these things, the behavior is open to choice and choices are what distinguish us as human beings.  
So what is the hardest part of kicking a habit??  Wanting to kick it.  Obviously we got addicted for a reason, right!?  So often an addiction starts out as just a normal activity in your life.  Normal that is until at some point it crosses the line into obsessive, compulsive, and out of control.  It becomes the high that we chase after.  A high that makes everything else fade away.  Some say it becomes a disease so powerful that addicts can no longer have free will.  But again, is it a choice or a disease?  Isn’t addiction a behavior?  And don’t we choose how to behave?  How many choices does it take to categorize something as an addiction?
It seems like every time someone thinks that they can’t reverse a choice they have made, the word addiction is attached to their behavior.  Is that what makes an addict feel better about the choice they are making?  Is it suppose to excuse them from making a choice to quit what they say they can’t help doing?  And if you do quit, does that now mean you are addicted to abstinence?  
I believe it is a choice.  A choice to avoid all personal responsibility for the consequences that continue to arise from the poor choices that one has made.  It is a desire for dependence.  “I can’t overcome this on my own, but with your help, maybe i can.” I’m not sure if I am buying that one. You made the initial decision on your own.  Did you ever ask me if I thought it was ok to make that bad choice?  Or is this just a crutch to make you feel better about the bad choices that you have made?
One thing about addiction is that it isn’t going to end until you make that choice to end it.  Eventually, whatever it is that is giving you that high will stop feeling good and will start to hurt.  I’ve been told that people don’t kick the habit until they have hit rock bottom.  So how do you know when you are there?  When all you have left is an empty bottle of alcohol staring you in the face? The empty pack of cigarettes that now causes you to wheeze every time you take a breath? The mounting pile of debt from all your shopping or gambling?  Or is it when every one in your life has stopped talking to you because you’ve left them with no other choice?
Addiction.  
Addiction is that little box you hide in the back of your closet with all your secrets and bad habits.
Addiction is always knowing where your cigarettes are.
Addiction is claiming that smoking is a social activity, but finding yourself smoking alone anyways when all your friends are gone.
Addiction is showing up high for a date.
Addiction is lying about how many drinks you’ve really had.
Addiction is getting drunk four times in one week or during the middle of the day.
Addiction is believing that you’ll be the big winner on the next machine.
Addiction is the $500 in clothes and shoes that you really couldn’t afford.
Addiction is the taste of everything, always the same.
Addiction is telling yourself that you’ll quit “some day.”
Addiction is quitting, but only for the next 4 hours.
Addiction is feeling like this is the only way you know how to live life.
Addiction is always right around the corner.
Addiction is like this.
Addiction is like this.
Addiction is like this.
Addiction is like....
Addiction is like....
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Addiction.  The same thing repeating over and over in your life.
Addiction.  It drowns everyone and every thing else out of your life.
Addiction.
It’s a choice.  A choice about what kind of life you will live.

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