I still remember it like it was yesterday. Waking up to my dad yelling and finding my mom on the floor. Freaking out because I didn't know what was going on as I was told to wait outside for the ambulance. Seeing her in the hospital...thinking to myself she was going to be ok because she was up and walking around. Only to find out later in life that she was making sure to tie up the loose ends before her final days on earth were over.
It was a Wednesday. I remember her coming home...hospice was there. I remember her asking me for a glass of water. I remember her last words to me were "thank you." I remember standing there thinking...this is not happening. I remember not being able to breathe after her last breath. I remember my world came crashing down. I remember it all.
It never gets any easier. I often wonder what life would be like if she were still here. How much different my life would've been. Would I have made all the mistakes I made? Would I be the person I am today? I know I can't play the "what if" game...but it's just so hard not to when moments like this come around.
Today I will send off my red balloon into the air in remembrance of her. I will send it off knowing she is in a better place and not hurting anymore. Today will be a day of thanks and celebration for the time that I did have with her. So I thank you....
Dad - For making what could've been the worst senior year possibly the best one I could've had. You were there for every volleyball and basketball game and always supportive. I love you more than any words can say...even when I don't want to show it.
Kristin - For having to grow up a lot quicker and help take care of us and allowing me to have my senior year and for being the crafty K.B. I may not always tell you but I love you so much and I'm thankful to have a big sister that I can annoy the crap out of :)
Laura - For growing up to be a smart and beautiful young woman and not letting such a tragedy turn you on to the wrong path. You are amazingly wonderful and I couldn't ask for a better little sister. I love you tooooooo!!!
Kris - For being my rock. You gave up everything that summer just to be with me. I don't think I can ever thank you enough for those days were we would just ride around in your purple truck and sing at the top of our lungs ..."if you like pina coladas...." You made me laugh more than I thought I could that summer....
Jamie - For being my best friend. I don't know what I would've done without you that last year in Lake Mount. I'm sorry we've strayed so far away from each other...but don't ever doubt for one second that I've ever stopped appreciating you for all that you helped me get through.
Wesley - For letting me not give up on everything when all I wanted to do was walk away. As much as I hate you...I still love you. You'll always have a special place in my heart and I'll always remember how much my mother thought of you....still don't understand it though...haha.
Dan - Last but not least....for helping me get over heartaches and lonely nights. Project Graduation was probably the best night of my life that year. You always knew how to make me smile and laugh...and you were always there when I needed someone most.
With that I leave you with this....if you have your mom in your life still...call her up and tell her you love her because you never know when the last time will be. Be thankful and feel blessed.
"And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast."
1 Peter 5:10 (NIV)
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